phoenixleader | MoM Inbox

[Attachment: Timeline Project]

Listen, Hera. I think it's about time I cleared the air between us.
Handing you over to Azmorigan was a sleemo move. I'm sorry.

[ Well, this is a surprise. She has to admit she hasn't really seen much of Lando- not that she's been actively avoiding him. Just. Big world. ]

yeah it was a sleemo move
if you had actually given us a heads up with what you were getting into we could have worked something out together
you know that the next time we encountered him he tried to use the fact he "technically owned me" to broker a deal?

I hope to learn from my mistakes. I won't be pulling anything like that again.
I didn't know that. But that's the kind of slimeball he is.

[ A sigh, and she pinches the bridge of her nose. Really, though, it's in the past. And in a completely different Galaxy. She should let it go and accept the olive branch that's been extended. ]

you did help us get off lothal that one time
so i guess we could consider ourselves even
and let bygones of a different galaxy be bygones

Exactly. No reason to bring old baggage to this new planet.

Now if I can only convince your friend Kanan to be so forgiving...

i'll talk to him
can't guarantee anything but i'll talk to him

Good morning, sunshine.

Good morning, love!

Hera, that might be the sappiest song I've ever heard.

And if you tell anyone I sent it to you I will deny it

Are you kidding? Your sappy side is all mine, no one else gets to see it.

I'm still working out what Christmas is supposed to be but I can still relate to this.

Miss Hera?

I hope you liked the lychee berries. I'm sorry if this is a bad time but I hoped you could give me some...girl advice?

Edited 2017-12-02 23:35 (UTC)

Chise, hi!

The berries were delicious, thank you. But of course, what's up?

[ Girl advice? She's... not exactly the best at that, but she can try. ]

Wonderful, I'll remember to bring by apples next time.

[ Beat ]

I was curious if you and Mister Jarrus were married.

Oh, I've tried apples before- such a wide variety, though!

[ She trails off slightly as the second question comes up, and she feels her face flush darker. ]

Married? No, no, we aren't...

[ I mean she's thought about it but... ]

Why?

There's plenty not in season yet. There's a lot I haven't heard of until recently myself.

[ And then the heart of the issue. Almost immediately guilt and embarrassment blossom like rag weed in the pit of her stomach. ]

Oh- I didn't mean to assume, I-

Well, I just want to be able to explain it to someone if he ever comes here.

It's alright, a lot of people assume... my own uncle, for one.

[ Gobi wasn't really her uncle, but he might as well be. And Kanan's title at the time, her Jedi... ]

... "He"? Chise, is there someone you're worried about arriving here?

For what it's worth, I can see why.

[ The blood suddenly pulsing between her ears could be likened to a record scratch. ]

Worried? No, no - honestly, no. Just... [ It was always so hard to untangle this. ]

He's almost childlike and I don't think his teacher did a very good job of explaining it to him. So when he came about me, and I'm called his wife...

It gets a bit thorny.

Edited 2017-12-09 00:31 (UTC)

.....

[ The pause from Hera's end is long, allowing her to sort her thoughts. Of course there were some world's that had marriage as young as Chise's age. That wouldn't necessarily be unusual, if a little strange. But the way she talks, as if she's nervous of him appearing. ]

... would you like to come over and have tea so we can discuss this matter in person?

[ Her awareness is making dial up noises ]

That sounds nice. Should I bring anything?

No, no, don't worry about it.

[ Oh boy, she has a feeling this is going to be a doozy of a conversation. ]

I'll have the kettle on waiting for you.

Just wanted to check in.

[ you know, after those questions she was going to ask. ]

... i need a very stiff drink and time to wrap my head around this.

Edited 2018-04-05 22:36 (UTC)

[ there's a pause, then: ] I could also admittedly use a drink.

[ if you want to grab one. ]

Any bars in mind? Somewhere away from Heropa, preferably.

[ She hasn't told Kanan what she knows. And it's difficult. Not sure what to tell him or how to tell him. ]

I'm not familiar with the planet yet, but I've seen good things about a few places in Maurtia Falls.

[ aka dives where no one cares who you are or why you're there. ]

Meet me at the Chau-der House in an hour.

[ With that, she clicks off the comm device, tilting her head back slightly as she contemplates just... what she's going to tell him.
It feels like this open wound, now, to know that so many people must have known that something happened to Kanan. That she couldn't have brought herself to ask.

She uses the porter to get to Maurita Falls. Takes a cab to the Chau-der House, some mid-scale bar in a seedy part of town. But at least there's alcohol, and someone to listen to her. ]

[ it takes cassian a little longer to find the place, if only because he still doesn't trust the porter and he's unfamiliar with the planet. still, he steps in not long after she does, dressed like any of the locals and looking far more casual and comfortable than he actually feels.

naturally, he spots her quickly, offering a nod in greeting and then sliding onto a stool next to her. ]

Not the best news, I guess.

[ She has, admittedly, already had a drink. Working well into her second one. Because talking about this- the very idea of it? It's painful. It hurts to even consider it. ]

... I just found out that because I couldn't complete my mission on Lothal, because I wasn't... Wasn't strong enough or fast enough or something....

[ She picks up her drink, downing it in one go. ]

I failed my team. And they paid the price for it.

[ he raises a hand for the bartender, quickly ordering whiskey, then folding his arms loosely across the top of the bar as he listens to her. ]

.. They were killed?

[ he doesn't offer words of comfort. that's not what she needs right now, even if he was the type. she just needs to get it off her chest, and this isn't the first time he's been a willing ear to someone who'd lost people. ]

Kanan.

[ Kanan paid the price. Kanan completed the mission. Kanan had given himself for the Rebellion, and for her.

There had been a time, so long ago, where she hadn't thought to take the mysterious man she'd met on Gorse with her. And now? She can't imagine life without him. It leaves a hole in her chest where her heart should be, a pit in her stomach that can't be filled.

Tears are pricking at her eyes as she orders her third. ]

Kanan died on Lothal. Because I got captured. Because I couldn't finish my mission.

He doesn't know yet. [ of course he doesn't. she wouldn't be here with cassian if kanan already knew.

he accepts his drink with a nod, sipping at it slowly. a part of him wants desperately to be drunk, to just lose himself in it, but even now, he can feel anxiety itching between his shoulderblades.

he'll get used to it. he knows he will. he just.. needs time. ]

How do I tell him?

"Oh, sorry love, next time you go home you'll end up dying at the hands of the Empire because I got captured! Are we still on for the wedding?"

[ There's bitter, biting sarcasm in her voice, and right now all she wants to do is get completely and utterly wasted. She wants to forget the inevitable truth, that Kanan won't survive the war at home.

Trust in the Force, Kanan had said. How could she, when this was apparently what the Force wanted?

How could she, when it killed her beloved, when it swept her son away to the unknown regions, when her crew was picked apart piece by piece and scattered to the galaxy?

They had been her family. And she can feel them slipping between her fingers like granules of sand. ]

Shame they don't have any port in a storm. I just want to completely forget hearing the truth.

You don't.

[ he drains his glass and sets it down, nodding for a refill for both of them. he turns to her then, giving her his full and undivided attention, something like despair briefly crossing his features before it's hidden under his usual mild frown. ]

I don't pretend to know how the Force works, but if you can avoid telling him, you don't tell him.

[ he hesitates, then gestures between the two of them. ] People like us, we can bear that knowledge. We shouldn't ask anyone else to do it. He's happy here, isn't he? And you're happy with him. So you take every moment of happiness you can beg, borrow, or steal. You make sure he lives all he can here, for all the years you lose at home.

[ that's the most he's ever said to anyone about something like this, but-- it's how he feels, it's what he'd do. he doesn't pretend to imagine that it's healthy. ]

[ Hera sips on her third- stuff tastes like rubbing alcohol combined with battery acid, but it's cheap, and it's strong, and hopefully it'll get her drunk fast. Damn thing about having a slow metabolism and more body fat than the usual human her size- means getting drunk is a chore.

And his proposition? Makes her down the third glass.

She had never kept secrets from Kanan. Not deliberately. Not like this. They had kept secrets, of course, in the beginning. And who she worked for, other rebel cells? She had kept that from him for their own safety.

It almost hadn't worked.

And she had almost left him to the Empire's fate. For the good of the rebellion. For the good of Lothal.

Force, what did she ever do to deserve the love of this man? This courageous, selfless man? She would give all the stars in heavy to change his fate, to keep him alive. It deserved to be her. It should have been her.]

And what happens if someone shows up from our future? Sabine, or Ezra, or Zeb, or... Or Kallus?
We don't keep secrets from each other.

Edited 2018-04-06 22:50 (UTC)

You learn, [ he says softly, his own glance cutting away, jaw tense for a moment, two. ] It's not easy, keeping secrets. Especially not big ones, important ones. [ he's been keeping them his entire life; he's only worth what he knows, what he's capable of. he has no idea how else to live.

he turns the glass between his hands, lashes dipping over his eyes as he stares down at the ice melting slowly. ]

It's not a good solution. But the other option is to tell him, which.. what good will it do? It's not going to change what happens, and it's going to hurt him.

[ of course, it will hurt him to keep it from him, too, and he knows she knows that. there's no good answer here, it's just.. a matter of what will hurt less in the end. ]

If someone else shows up, you deal with it then the best you can. [ he hesitates, then lifts his glass, draining it and setting it aside. ] .. That's all I know to offer you.

[ There's no good answer here. No easy solution. Maybe she should have stayed ignorant, should have never asked. Kept herself in the dark, kept believing that everything would be okay back home.

The fourth glass trembles in her fingers as she starts to feel that pleasant tingle meaning that the alcohol's finally kicking in. Good. ]

Guess it'll be like old times. [ She replies bitterly, drinking long from the glass. ]

... Thank you. For the advice. Sorry, this is a lot to dump on you after you just came back...

[ he shakes his head, and reaches out briefly, steadying her glass and carefully not touching her fingers as he does so. he's not a man that invites casual contact at the best of times, so this is.. the closest he comes to it, generally speaking. except with kay, of course, who is his exception in this, too. ]

No. I'm sorry I don't have better advice to give. [ an uncomfortable pause. ] I realize it's not what other people would say.

[ he thinks normal people would tell her to tell him, but again.. what good will it do? ultimately, it's up to her to make the decision for herself, but--

his glance lifts again, unreadable, then softening faintly. ] If you want to drink it out of your mind for a while, I can make sure you get home safely. [ and watch her back until then. ]

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