phoenixleader | EMP Inbox

[He hasn't asked about the future much. Maybe he doesn't want the weight of expectation, the feeling of having to live up to some set script, even one of his own making. Maybe he doesn't want to know what he's changing every time he talks to someone from the past. It's been enough for him just to know that the future is there, and so are the people he cares about.

Except now he knows something that might endanger those same people. He needs to know. He needs to ask.]

Yeah, but Leia wouldn't know much about our future. She's not really involved with us that much at all. Not directly. She wouldn't know... [He takes a breath and steels himself.] Did Maul come with us after we got off Malachor?

[ Maul. Of course, it came down to Maul. It was a truth she had been hiding from him. A truth she hadn't wanted to tell him. The images might come rapid fire, slipping through her head before she can stop them.

Kanan's eyes, covered with a bandage.
Rex's face, when he found out Ahsoka won't be coming back.

Maul, pressing his lightsaber against her forehead.
Maul, pressing his hand near her face, trying to take the information from her mind. ]

... No. No, he. He didn't.

[Ezra sucks in a sharp breath when those images hit him, like a Force vision but too fast, too clear. Kanan and Rex, and what happened? Why did they-?

Maul. Maul with his lightsaber, and Hera-]

No!

[Ezra doesn't mean to break the connection, but he does, and with it every piece of glass in his room. Images like that, and on the heels of what he'd learned about Maul from Qui-Gon Jinn, only fuel the fears he was already working with.]

[ The connection severs like a snap, like a force blast that sends her reeling backwards with the anguish. He needs to know. The thought pulses through her mind as she steadies herself, ignoring the sound of shattering glass, heading up the creaking stairs of the old row house they share.

He needs to know ]

Ezra.

[ She doesn't wait for him to respond, only opens the door to his room and crosses to him, arms wrapping around him to try and bring him close. ]

Ezra, we need to talk.

[Ezra goes rigid, anguish and fear and guilt chasing each other in circles and leeching color from the walls. He doesn't want to be held. This is his fault.]

No, we don't! Hera, you trusted him because of me!

[ She feels the push away, and she returns in kind, her arms moving away from him in order to give him space. Trusted Maul? Oh no, no, she never did. Kanan never did, either. He seems to be missing the details from her flashes of memories. ]

Ezra, listen to me. What happened between Maul and the crew is not your fault.

[ She tries to open communications again. Tries to show him the fire fight between her and Maul. How she and Sabine and Zeb had all been knocked out, awoken with binders on their wrists. It was an attack. ]

We never trusted him. He never came with you from Malachor. He attacked us because he wanted the Sith and Jedi holocrons. And that's on HIM.

[He's missing a lot of details from her memories, but he'd been given enough to draw all the ~~wrong~~ conclusions. At least the second round of memories helps a little with that, grounding him in more solid facts. He's still rigid, still tensed like a wounded Loth-cat, but not pulling away anymore.]

Then-

[He swallows. Somewhere in the distance, thunder rumbles.]

But I trusted him. I thought he was on our side. You're telling me he didn't take advantage of that?

[ She can't lie to him. Maul did take advantage of that, and she knows Ezra blames himself. But Kanan never did. Rex never did. What happened on Malachor was all on Maul's head, and she reaches out again to try and tell him that.

Kanan, blind, telling her that he never blamed Ezra.

The crew, coming for him, trying to find him in the light of the Holocrons.

Ezra across the holotable, knocked out cold by his visions through the force, and how scared she was- not that he would trust Maul, no, but that Maul would find him and kill him. ]

From what I understand... He wanted an apprentice. He wanted someone like you, who was still learning. But listen to me, Ezra... You didn't waver from what Kanan taught you.

[ She reaches out to him, gloved hands on his shoulders, holding him steady and looking him in the eye. ]

You were tempted by the darkside, and you didn't fall. You stared it right in the face, and turned away. That's strength, Ezra. Kanan- I'm- We're all so proud of you.

[ She pulls him close and into a hug, to try and make him understand. They had never blamed him. Not once.

They were only glad that he had turned away from the darkness. ]

[It's the image of Kanan that sticks with Ezra most. It's hard to tell what's really happening in the other two there, just enough to get the sense that Ezra's the one in danger, but that doesn't matter to him. If there's one thing his family on the Ghost have taught him consistently, it's to put others first, to care about them before he cares about himself.

Kanan, wearing a face plate he can't possibly see through, kneeling and looking so worn out.

Kanan, telling Hera he doesn't blame Ezra.

There's not enough context, and yet there's more than enough to make a bubble of anguish well up in Ezra's heart. Something happened, something hurt Kanan, and Ezra hadn't been able to stop it.]

But it wasn't enough strength! Maybe I didn't fall, but I still failed! [He squeezes his eyes shut, hands fisting in her shirt - to hold onto her, to keep her from letting go, even he doesn't know.] How can you be proud of me for that?

[ She doesn't pull away. She doesn't dare pull away, only moves her gloved hands to his hair, pulling him closer to his shoulder, trying to comfort him. Her lekku are twisting in distress- When she is from, it was Kanan who had this discussion with him. Kanan who had brought it all to a head.

Now, she's the only one here for him. ]

It was enough. It was more than enough. Listen to me.

[ She smoothes his hair back, tries to make him listen, tries to make him understand. Kanan, telling her what happened. How Maul attacked them after he had gained all their trusts. How they had enough strength to pull the holocron away from Vader.

How when it came down to it, he had brought the Holocron for their lives, how he had turned away from forbidden knowledge. ]

You kept Vader from getting his hands on a key to a battlestation. You kept Maul from learning dangerous knowledge. You didn't stray from what Kanan and Ahsoka both have taught you.

How is that failure? How can you make me anything but proud when you've done this?

[He didn't know how badly he needed her hug until he'd been pulled close enough to feel her heart against his chest. Didn't know how much he needed a reassuring touch until her hands were in his hair, smoothing it back. Something warm and concrete and filled with love that can't be refuted, no matter how strong his fear is. Ezra hiccups a little, trying to just soak in the images Hera's sharing with him.]

But if I'd been stronger, or if I hadn't believed Maul, maybe he wouldn't have gotten hurt at all.

[Though, to be able to pull the holocron away from Vader himself... A small part of him can't help but be impressed. Had he and Kanan really done that?]

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I never got a notif for this >:T

We broke the notifs. :c

Slams back in here time for feelings

Well, if you're here for feelings...

Re: Well, if you're here for feelings...

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